Jeff’s Lucky Day

“That’s it then. There isn’t another option.” Jared was standing at the end of a conference table. His hand resting on his chin as he stared at the floor.

“I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with this .”The second person to speak was Pam, a mother of two who sat nervously at the table. Next to her was Jim, her husband. There was a cold distance between them that didn’t stand out in the current situation.

Jared looked up and glared at Pam. “You’re not comfortable with this?” The force with which Jared spoke startled Jim. Pam just continued to look nervous.

“I’m sure none of us woke up this morning and thought about who we want to kill today. ”Phil walked out of the corner of the room and sat down at the table. “Still, here we are.”

“Phil, I’ll be honest, I’ve dreamed of killing you.” said Jared. “I’ve imagined wrapping my hands around your neck and kissing you on the nose as you die. ”Pam began to sob.

“Shit man, that’s grim. I’ve never done anything to deserve that.”

“I think you have, I think we all have.”

“Good point.”

Jim stood up quickly. “We all know it has to be Jeff.”

“Oh here we go again, What the hell do you have against Jeff?” Jared asked.

“Nothing, I swear, I mean no more than I have against you.”

“Ok that’s fair, I’m a creep.”

Pam looked up, her eyes red from crying. “Maybe we can reason with them. What if we just don’t choose anyone?”

“Oh that’s cute Pam, let’s do that.” Jared walked quickly over to the door and knocked.

“Hey, hey, Pam says no one.” The door stood motionless.

“Well that worked out well.”

“You’re an ass Jared.” Pam started sobbing again.

Phil looked at the group. “I’m not saying that Jeff is a good choice, God knows his wife and children wouldn’t agree, but I think he is the obvious choice. I think I can imagine a world without Jeff.”

“I can’t believe that we are still talking about Jeff, we’ve voted a million times, Pam wont’ raise her hand.” Jared walked to the front of the desk. “All those in favor of Jeff?” No one moved in the room.“ See I fucking told you, it’s not Jeff.”

Jim picked up Pam’s hand and looked into her eyes. “You have to tell us who Pam. Someone has to die. If it’s not Jeff, then just give us a name.”

Pam looked up. “Aaron.”

“Who the fuck is Aaron?” Jared yelled.“ We’ve been here for hours and your just now telling us about Aaron.”

“I met him in the park.” Pam sobbed. “He just walked over to me and said hello, I couldn’t help it.” Pam stood up. “I’m a bitch I know; I don’t know why I don’t care about him. I just don’t.”

“Wait, is it that guy with the brown shaggy hair that always sits by the water fountain?” asked Jared.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Oh that poor bastard, he works in accounting.” said Phil. “Jim?”

“Shit, I know him too. I’ve seen him in the lobby.” Jim’s suddenly looked surprised. “Pam, why not Jeff?”

“I uh…”

“I understand not wanting to pick anyone, but why not Jeff?”

“Last year, at the Christmas party.”

“Christ, you and Jeff?”

“I’m so sorry Jim, I just couldn’t, I love him.”

“And your telling me this now?

“What do you want from me?” sobbed Pam.

Jared shook at the end of the table. “You mean I’ve been standing here for hours, questioning my humanity, because you couldn’t keep your pants on... At a Christmas party?” Jared’s face turned red.“ A Christmas Party???”

“Yeah, a Christmas Party. Your just jealous because it wasn’t you.” spat Pam.

Jared started laughing. “That’s funny.”

“I’m ready to get out of here.” Phil said. “It’s got to be someone, so let’s make it Aaron.”

“I’m not so sure.” Jim looked defiant. “I think it should be Jeff.”

“Really, you’re going to be like that?” Pam said.

Jared sat down at the table and buried his head in his hands. He began shaking uncontrollably. His laughter was more than just a little unhinged. “For the love of God Jeff, your marriage is over.”